Scared Little Boy

This last week has been a very eye-opening experience in the classroom for me, and not just in English 313. I also have a Communications 360 class that is challenging the idea of gender equality and philosophical standpoints of masculinity and femininity in our culture and how language shapes all of this. Each class has seemed to coincide with each other's lectures and it has really helped me see clearly on these issues. Now I do NOT consider myself racist, homophobic, or anti-feminist, nor do I condone or support anybody who is. Some of the following questions or thoughts may seem that way but they are simply out of my raw curiosity and blissful ignorance of people's sensitivities. I am a very open person myself and rather insensitive to "hurt feelings" when it comes to challenging my own positions or identity so I propose these thoughts in the same way I feel I would give the most concise, honest answers should someone question me the same way.
Enjoy a little background of yours truly first. My father is from Argentina, my mother from the whitest state in the nation, Idaho which makes me a blend of sorts. I'm not close with my father's side except my grandmother, who raised me for 5 good years. However, I am close with my mother and her side of the family so I'm close to two of her three sisters. Almost all of my cousins on this side I know well or am very close with except Kyle and Scott, my only two male cousins out of nine. That makes seven female cousins. on this side of the family tree. Oh by the way I was raised with two sisters, Audrey and Veronica, and I have a stepsister, Jennifer. At any given point in my life, there are at least ten females in my family life that I love very dearly and essentially no males that I connect with and count on to be there for me.

This + me is my family reunion

I am at a loss for words when I hear the females in my classes demand that they are the underprivileged sex. I wrote a blog about my opinion of the feminist movement, which should really be termed "Equality Movement" for the sake of queer individuals, but I digress. Let consider Foucault and make this ahistorical.  I am not saying men are the underprivileged sex, far from it. If women aren't, men aren't, and queer individuals make up too small of a defined demographic to be considered a separate sex or class yet, then who is? Give me a break. No one! The great architect Daniel Lediske who created the Jewish Historical Museum in Berlin said it best when criticized about an aspect of his piece, "If you look into the past, you will have no future." This can apply in so many ways to this great Equality Movement. Women may be held down in a certain way, but in our culture they are undoubtedly the prized sex. It is unacceptable to disrespect a woman on public grounds in any way no matter what that female has said or done. In comparison to man, Warren Farrell said it best himself "men are the disposable gender; they die in war and from suicide four times more often than women, and are also the most common victims of violence, overwork and mental illness (Barker 304)." Men's standards are set impossibly high and unimaginably complicated, often threatening and scary. Not the "I might get made fun of" kind of scary. Men's standards are "well, I may lose an arm/my sanity/years of my life/my actual life but I'm doing what is expected of me" kind of scary. And people question why it's taking longer for young men to accept maturity and growing up these days? Because it's fucking scary. Literally.

Ethnography!

Ethnography - a research strategy often used in the social sciences, particularly in anthropology and in some branches of sociology. It is often employed for gathering empirical data on human societies/cultures. Ethnography aims to describe the nature of those who are studied (i.e. to describe a people, an ethnos) through writing - Wikipedia

Today was my first (intentional) ethnography. I have been quite the people-watcher my whole life and have reflected upon some observations but never as intensely as I have done today, nor have I reflected enough to write about it so today was a different experience. I utilized what turned out to be a fantastic spot to examine relationships of all types, and mostly serious relationships in heterosexual couples as well as families. I traveled to the Northridge mall on Tampa and Nordhoff this Sunday, September 19, 2010, at about 1:45pm and began my observations by finding a place to sit which happened to be between the JC Penney and Vitamin world under a large glass dome that allowed plenty of beautiful sunlight to infiltrate and fill the space with warm light. It was a prime time during the week and during the day to see people active and energetic; cruising around the shopping mall like they were floating on a cloud with so many visual stimulants present that even a magician could be impressed. What I came to apply to many observations was Saussure’s ideas of semiotics, Simone de Beauvoir’s notions of feminism, and our author Barker’s rules of culture, among many others.

Barker claims that without language, there is no culture and vice versa. The most prominent visuals throughout the shopping mall is undoubtedly the amount of advertisements by way of signage, lighting, displays, and laborers outside their respective retail stores shouting coupon offers “Buy one get one free! Last day and limited supply!” All these signs are translated to a language that tells us “Buy our products because you need our stuff!” all the while it’s telling me “Continue on with capitalism and moving money because it helps our business, our country, and you!”

There are also plenty of literal messages. For example “Shoes, Shirts, and Socks.” For those in need of any elementary clothing item I would recommend with confidence this specific store because of their sign that lets us know they are full of these items. Directional signs let me know where to go when I wanted to find a restaurant to have a good sandwich. I found the Wood Ranch BBQ & Grill by simply following the sign that said “Restaurants ^ “letting me know in which direction to go. How simple a sign could be, but, oh! What it encourages is astounding!

That simple sign cost me $13.50 but gave me a delicious cup of chicken tortilla soup, and although the service may have been stale, I ate a great tri-tip that was cooked perfectly and dressed with a sumptuous barbecue sauce paired with a nice branch of steamed broccoli to help it all digest well all the while finding a perfect spot to relax, watch a football game which I always enjoy, and help me do my homework. I highly recommend a good sit-down restaurant with peace but conversational buzz to just enjoy yourself and take time to reflect. None of this would have been remotely possible with out me knowing my language which enabled me to interpret the sign that may have said “Restaurant this way” but really meant “Exactly what you need right now, provided you have the capital, this way.”

Having a brand is also a language of advertisement, but it takes some experience in order to interpret what you will find. For example, an inexperienced foreigner wouldn’t have a clue where to decide to shop for nice cologne if you asked him/her “Macy’s or Spencer’s?” But us as experienced capitalists know to go to Macy’s for our cologne, and Spencer’s for a gag gift because that is what each brand markets. Evolved language in advertisement runs rampant through the mall because each sign signifies what niche of culture it offers.

Now once I finally found comfort on a spot on a bench under a well-lit area with plenty of foot traffic I did my best to take in some of Simone de Beauvoir’s messages of the male sex being the Absolute, and women being the “other sex,” that could not possibly envision themselves without a male counterpart. Nothing could be further from the truth here. Women weren’t trying to keep up with men by holding their sleeve, gleefully pleading for perform favors for their men. In fact, the mall is the perfect antidote to neutralize the notion of males being the superior sex.  Beauvoir claims women lack “concrete means for organizing themselves into a unit.” Well the mall seems to cure that ailment. Rarely did I see a group of men wandering, but frequently did I notice small tribes of females ranging from teenagers to grown women out and about in their groups, chatting gleefully amongst themselves. Not only were they out, organized, and energized, but I expected to see them here in the mall and when I did see a group of males without female company here some cultural influence in me always thought to raise the question, “Are these guys gay?” How it has turned on its head. For every single mother proudly leading her children throughout her shopping conquest, it was a shock to notice a single father doing the same for him and his children without the guidance of a female counterpart. There are no slave/master relationships here. Not unless you consider patrons of the shopping mall slave to the business ventures of capitalism.

It’s incredible what information is possible to gather by just seeing a person and reading certain signs. Every assumption and pre-conceived notion conjured by my thoughts today depended all on Saussure’s concepts of semiotics. Without A there is no B and there is only A because there is B. Applying this to my observations, there is no wife without the husband, are there are no parents without the company of children. This stood out no more prominent then when I noticed a group of three walking about, one man and two women. The possibilities of their relationships shot off in my head like fireworks. I know the two on the right are in a relationship because they are holding hands while one single female walks casually at their pace moving forward, head angled so that she can talk eye to eye with the couple. She is single because the other two are together. The three of them are not all friends because the two in the relationship are not just friends, they are something more. This signal of a deeper relationship tends to make company in the immediate presence uncomfortable, mostly if their company is not in a relationship. This automatic negative feeling is felt by the majority of the population when seeing a situation like this and to be the one in the line of critical fire, like the single woman is here, is likely to want to be avoided. Sometimes we are forced or coerced into being that person, that ‘third wheel.’

We've all been there

But to let other observers know we are not a perennial nuisance, buzzing around and destroying the intimate moments of a couple by just being single, many don a sign that tells others, ”I, too, am in a committed relationship. No need to judge my capability of being desirable.”  It’s a little gold band at the base of, cleverly enough, one’s ring finger and it is called an engagement or wedding ring. The use of the wedding ring, according to Wikipedia, traces its roots back to Roman times. According to the prayer book of Edward VI, after the words 'with this ring I thee wed' follow the words 'This gold and silver I give thee', at which point the groom was supposed to hand a leather purse filled with gold and silver coins to the bride (Kunz PhD. DSc., George Frederick (1917). Rings for the Finger). Obviously in this culture most of us don’t have the resources to afford a bag of gold for our spouse, but the symbolic ring has stuck around and proves to all that you have an eternal bond. De Beauvoir’s “Woman as Other,” has stuck out yet again and tried to prove her message by introducing the engagement ring. Both man and wife will wear the wedding band as a symbol of eternal companionship to one another but only will a female wear an engagement ring, the symbolic gesture of “I promise to promise.” Earlier, in the 20th century and before, a woman had to earn the engagement ring by proving she was fit to be alongside a man as proof she was not so inferior to be incompatible. This, however, has evolved into a more equal, if not feminine dominated gesture. Today, the man not only has to earn the privilege of female companionship and earn her trust to consider marriage, but now the engagement ring not only has to be present, but has to be good enough. That’s what else the mall is for. After spending a few minutes by the jewelry store I noticed a couple ogling the shiny jewelry. Unsure of whether it was a ring she desired or a different accessory, it was clear to me she was there to shop and he was there to buy. De Beauvoir’s message is being received by Los Angeles culture and women are gaining their power and influence to even the playing field. Unfortunately I don’t see it being done here on an intellectual level, but through a capitalist level. “Prove to me your worthy enough by showing me what things you are capable of getting…and give them to me.” Many kids are growing up with the feeling today that true love and the meaning of companionship is a Mercedes C Class and a diamond ring big enough to scratch one’s eyes while wiping away the tears of a failing relationship. Sorry to be cynical.

53% of Bridal Magazine's agree that two months salary is the minimum to spend on an engagement ring (Source)

If there is no A without B, my observations proved that all A’s stick together as much as all B’s stay together as well. When I saw a white man in a relationship, what followed was a white woman, and when I saw an Asian woman paired with someone, that someone was always an Asian male. Biologically, all A’s beget A’s. In other words, if each pair had a family with them in the form of kids, the kids were naturally the same race and possessed similar features of the parents. This would lead me to believe if the children grew up seeing and A with an A (Asian with an Asian, or a Latino with a Latino), it would be defective to see an A with a B, the B in this case being a man or woman of a different race, let’s say white. Although I saw an even spread of different cultures and races throughout my observations, I made a point to distinguish each inter-racial couple. I may have seen a hundred different couples today, but only two couples stood out to me as inter-racial, the first being a black man with a white woman, and the second couple while I ate was a white man and an Asian woman. These were the most prominent of “mismatches” I failed to recognize as consistently as I had hoped for. Even people of the same style stick together. It is arguable that once a man or woman finds a suitable partner, he or she tends to adopt certain traits and styles of their partner, but that is when a B becomes an A. The young couple I saw were both rocker-types with several facial piercings between them, tight jeans, and loud designs decorating their t-shirts. The couple in the jewelry stored both dressed in business attire, the man confidently wearing a sport coat and button-up shirt with slacks as his lady dressed effortlessly in a quality-material blouse and appropriate length skirt with heels. I even noticed a couple who happen to be a bit different in personal appearance but made up for that discrepancy because they were both in a wheel chair, wheeling about observing what the decorated windows had to offer their tastes. Saussure might have argued that each A as well as each B and C depend on each other to be defined, but my evidence suggests while this may be true, each sign of A, B, or C are not always fixed nor eternal. Race is fixed, style is not. Language is fixed, but communication styles can evolve. These traits and signs are all defining features of the relationships that thrive in the Northridge mall.


(Works cited)

Chris Barker, Cultural Studies - Theory & Practice 3rd Ed.(2008)

Ferdinand de Saussure, Course in General Linguistics (Based on Saussure's lecture's at Univ. of Geoneva),(1906-1911)

Simone de Beavoir, The Second Sex, "Woman as Other" (1949)

Call Me Brick, Paul Newman

On Tuesday my class group and I did a presentation on the timeless Tennessee Williams play, "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Cat)." Our goal was to apply the current class themes of romance and class status and weave it to modern ideas and themes of today's romantic ideas channeled through media. So we did a Jerry Springer parody, Kerry Springer. We brought out the four/five most prominent characters on "stage" and enacted what would have been the cast of "Cat" on a trashy type talk-show. I channeled my inner Brick taking notes from Paul Newman's Brick as well as my own interpretation of Brick.

Brick And Maggie (click!)

Using my own experiences as a celebrated athlete but (somewhat) alcoholic, I did my best to act out a good drunk, harsh, but still loved washed-up man-boy. Having faced similar experiences, I felt good playing the role and the fact that most of Brick's text was one-liners it made it that much more comfortable especially since I had never done a southern accent. The presentation went well as each "guest" including Maggie, Mae, Big Daddy, and Big Momma, contributed a good role to make the show work competently and achieve our goal of representing failing relationships, gender, class in society, and the birth of a new topic I hadn't much explored until the ensuing class discussion, ambiguity. Brick's ambiguity is what kept Brick afloat as the main focus in the play. Was his relationship with Skipper homo- or heterosexual? Does Brick still desire Maggie? Does he love his family? The presentation was a success and the acting was fun, but it wasn't easy to construct.

Being the first group to present put pressure on myself as one of the group leaders to come up with something creative and intelligent that would get a quiet class to talk with no other presentations with which to compare it. It has to be said that there were not appointed group leaders so some of us had to take the buck and put in more work in order to make it a success, but understandably so. In a group project of multiple university students dividing time between work, a full school schedule, and minimal time to prepare, how could one possibly expect schedules to match? In the end all six of us showed competency and cohesion as a group once it came down to it and I'm proud of the work we did. Now here's an actual photo of the group and me preparing our presentation.

That's me in the front

Status And Opinion Of The 'Feminist Movement'

This is a very heavily opinionated passage that I have always wanted to explore through writing. I did not dress it up with pictures or tunes because I wanted it to be reflective of my true thoughts, forward, precise, and real. It is not reflective of my thoughts regarding the master/slave, christian/jew, apple/orange relationships. It's based on my own exploration and attempt to understand the opposite sex that I love so much in the female race and the misunderstandings of the world's most fundamentally needed relationship, the man/woman relationship in regards to the discrepancies of today's social inequalities. I did my best to incorporate today's class discussion and de Beauvoir's writings, but it is mostly my own thoughts as I see it.

Today, the class briefed over the fundamental need of the male/female relationship. If we do not have male or female we literally have nothing as a human race. Simple relationship, right? That's about as simple as this relationship has become. The separation of the sexes became no more apparent than during the feminist movements. Before these movements, females being regarded as "the second race" as inferior humans were either swept under the rug or just thought of as natural or just never thought of! These standards either or were or are enforced by the majority of cultures throughout the world. The feminist movement brought a collective awareness to America that was essential in addressing the lack of woman's right in a capitalist society that yearns for growth. This movement, however, needs to evolve or dissolve. It has done its job. It won women suffrage, and demanded of private businesses to recognize the need of the female intellect in performing duties among other important goals. But what has it done lately?
‘Tota mulier in utero,' woman is a womb. Then what is a man? A penis? Testes? That hardly brings to mind the strength, perseverance and patience that the womb represents reciprocated to symbolize man. The feminist movement brought a collective awareness important in addressing the lack of woman's right in a capitalist society that yearns for growth. As the two biological genders become closer in sociological equality, there's a natural separation. It is a separation not between the sexes but a natural separation between people of pedigree. For example, the movie Jerry Maguire; Maguire is on top of the sports world as a top agent in the top professional sports agency. He is engaged to a woman of similar power, Avery Bishop, who is just as powerful and successful in her own world.  If you have a top female professional in the business world as Maguire's fiancee, why would a group of self-righteous women want to hold her back from fulfilling her championship pedigree to be part of a movement that is trying to do what she is already going to achieve? Her character isn't common but far from unbelievable in terms of what a female could do in the professional world. What I'm trying to say is once you're in a quest to fulfill your potential, to succeed in life as a person/athlete/student/professional regardless of sex it is a dog eat dog world and if you have people that are not your equal demanding that they become that with you, they will drag you down like a stone. If you have an entire population of women trying to become the best, that population will tear itself apart from the inside out in order for each individual to become better than the next. This is how men see the world. If men are the privileged sex, their unintended lack of unity suffer the consequences as well. How often do you see a pack of homeless women? After a trip to Venice I was very aware that the percentage of vagrants was vastly male. Unlike men, women hold each other up, but hold each other back. If you want to succeed in this world you have to do it as an individual and you must closely consider who you keep at your side.
Now, why did Jerry Maguire, the high-profile, super-star megabucks hot-shot millionare agent, ultimately fall for the down-to-earth, house-wife bound single mother type? In living your life to achieve stardom, to be the biggest dog in the pound, there are natural qualities such as compassion and tenderness that are just as important to well-being that you have to hold back to put on the performance of a lifetime for everyone to see and recognize you as the best. The best professional. The best athlete. The best actor, the best writer, the best at doing what you do. There are sacrifices to be made to achieve what Jerry Maguire earned, yet the same things he sacrificed he coveted in his ultimate partner Dorothy (Renee Zellweger). In a partnership like the special relationship of man to woman or woman to man, there must be a delicate balance of the ruthless drive and sacrifice to achieve what you want balanced with a calming, compassionate influence to cool down the heat. Now who takes on which role is for you to determine.

E